Care, control and requirements of the parents as the main factors in the child’s upbringing

Contents

1. Parental care

Parental care serves as the leading form of child rearing. Level of care, or patronage, determines how much time and effort parents devote to child rearing. There are two extreme degree of protection: over (giperprodukcia) and insufficient (hepaprotective) (Eidemiller, Justices, 1999).

Care, control and requirements of the parents as the main factors in the child's upbringing

If hyperprotective, or hyperopic, the parents give the child a lot of time and effort. Actually education becomes their way of life. Hyper is expressed in the desire of parents to surround the child with more attention to protect him, even if no real need, to accompany his every move, to protect against imaginary dangers to worry about and no reason to keep the child near him, tie it to their moods and feelings, to demand from it certain actions (Zakharov, 1988). Typically, the concern is not so much the children as the parents themselves, filling they have unfulfilled and often pointed neurotic need for affection and love. The desire of the mother to tie a child is based and a strong feeling of anxiety or alarm. Hyper can be as motivated as the anxiety caused by the lone parenthood and an instinctive fear that can happen misfortune. It can to say such phrases: You come home soon, and then I’ll worry, don’t go Anywhere without me (Zakharov, 1988).

If hepaprotective child is on the periphery of the attention of parents, he doesn’t receive the hands, the education of parents is taken from time to time, when it happens something serious (Eidemiller, Justickis, 1999).

An important aspect of child rearing is the degree of satisfaction of its needs. This feature is different from the level of patronage, as the parent can a lot of time to educate, but not to satisfy the needs of the child. To the extent meet the needs of the child, there are two extreme options (Eidemiller, Justickis, 1999):

Indulgence takes place when parents seek to maximize and non-critical satisfy any needs of the child. They spoil him, any his wish is the law for parents. Explaining the need for such education, parents offer arguments that are essentially a manifestation of the mechanism of rationalization: the weakness of the child, his uniqueness, the desire to give him something what they were deprived of.

Ignoring the needs of the child – a parenting style characterized by lack of desire of parents to meet the needs of the child. Most often suffer the child’s need for emotional contact with their parents.

2. The concept of parental control

In infancy and young age all a child’s needs are met for adults, almost nothing is required. However, as soon as developing his motor skills and the ability to control their behavior, parents begin to limit and guide its activity. Undoubtedly, for many reasons it is impossible to give the child unlimited freedom. Certain restrictions and guidelines to ensure his safety. For example, a child may not play the ball on the carriageway of the street or play with fire or sharp objects. At measure the complexity of the needs of the child they inevitably come into conflict with the desires of others. The child can not freely Express their needs, but must learn to correlate them with the requirements of the surrounding world.

Interiorization of tools and skills used by parents, is an important mechanism for the formation of character traits of the child responsible for self-control and social competence (Stolin, 1983). Internalization of parental standards depends, on the one hand, from fear, and with another – guilt (Whiting, 1954). When internalization is low, control is carried out by fear of external punishment; when infancy is developed, behavior is controlled by the sense of guilt (Whiting, 1954).

Effective control involves a combination of emotional acceptance with high volume requirements, their clarity, coherence and consistency (Stolin, 1983). Parental controls can be represented in a two-pole system: autonomy – control. Within disciplinary the axis of any particular parental behaviour takes place between two extremities: from providing full autonomy to an absolute submission to the will of their parents.

Maccoby included in the parental control the following components (op. CIT. by: Arkhireeva, 1990):

Care, control and requirements of the parents as the main factors in the child's upbringing
  1. Ogranichennosti – establishing the boundaries of children’s activity.
  2. Perfectionism – waiting high level of responsibility in children.
  3. Strictness – forcing children to do anything.
  4. Persistence – influence on the plans and attitudes of children.
  5. Arbitrary the manifestation of power.

It is expected that the severity of these parameters it is possible to judge the degree of authoritarian control of the parents.

Radka (Radke, 1969) identifies the following principles and forms of parental authority and the disciplining of the child.

  1. The philosophy of authority, which is represented by two extremes: autocratic and democratic style. When autocratic style parent determines all educational policy, many demands from the child, but does not explain it to their requirements. The democratic style of educational policy is discussed by parents with children, that is, the child explains the nature of the parent requirements.
  2. Parental restrictions. They can be strict and hard, when the child is unable to break them. Restrictions can be light and movable, when the child can break them without much consequences.
  3. The severity of the punishment.
  4. Contact with the child’s parents. Good contact the parents pay attention to children’s issues, share the interests of the child. He trusts his parents, and his relationship with them full of positive emotions. Poor contact with parents do not pay attention to the problems of the child and do not share its interests. The child is a lack of trust towards parents, there is also a lack of positive emotional relationships.

The combination of parental control and unconditional support to the child’s wishes to be independent and independent Baumrind (Baumrind, One thousand nine hundred seventy one) calls the model of authoritative parental control. Parents treat their children gently, with warmth and understanding, friendly, and many communicate with them, but control the children, require conscious behavior. The model of behavior of parents who rely more on strictness and punishment, is called power. Parents rigidly control the children, often use their power, do not encourage children to Express their own opinions. The model of behavior of parents which don’t encourage kids, don’t pay attention to the education of the child’s independence and self-confidence, was named condescending. The model of harmonious behavior of parents similar to the model of the authoritative parent for all characters except control, which is used here is quite rare. The pattern of behavior inherent in the nonconformist parents, who do not recognize traditional beliefs about education. At the heart of their pedagogical tactics is the idea of free development of children.

Children’s behavior depends on the whole complex of educational influences. Both groups of parents – authoritative, and power – trying to control children, but realize it in different ways. Overbearing parents rely solely on the use of force, require that the child obey them without reasoning. Authoritative, on the contrary, take into account the views of children, respond to their problems, allow the children to show independence and initiative (Baumrind, 1971).

A. I. Zakharov (Zakharov,1988) distinguishes between three types of parental control: permissive, moderate and excessive. Excessive control can take the form of authoritarian. Let’s look at these controls in more detail.

At an enabling control there is a lack of prohibitions and regulations ranging from a small degree of complacency until complete inability of parents to cope with the feelings of the children. Here allowed full activity and independence of the child, there is no censure and punishment. Parents all over are going to meet and indulge often inadequate from the standpoint of common sense, the desires and demands (whims) children.

The lack of control has two forms: the form of hepaprotective and lax of giperprodukciei (Eidemiller, Justickis, 1999). Geoprotecta – lack of custody and control, sometimes leading to a complete neglect. This form of control is often combined with rejection of the child and is an extremely troubled child parenting styles. The second form of relationship in which there is a lack of oversight and requirements, is conniving giperprodukcia, or education child the type of idol family that is expressed in indulging all the wishes of the child, excessive patronage and adoration (Eidemiller, Justickis, 1999, Garbuzov, 1983). With this parental attitude the child develops the following internal position I am needed and loved, and you are there for me. The child controls his behavior, on the basis of the following representations(Homentauskas, 1985):

  1. I am the center of the family, parents exist for me.
  2. My wishes and aspirations are the most important. I have to implement them, come what may.
  3. The surrounding, even if they don’t say this, admire me.
  4. People who can’t see my superiority – is just silly. I don’t want to deal with them.
  5. If other people think and act the way I do, they’re wrong.

In the result of education by type of permissive giperprodukcia the child is formed, on the one hand, an excessively high level of claims, and with another – insufficiently effective voluntary regulation of their own behavior. Often these children are facing real challenges in relationships with other people, as they expect from them the same adoration, as well as from parents.

Moderate control type combines the hardness as parents, will not result in an excessive integrity and perseverance, and a certain situational flexibility in relation to the needs and demands of children (Zakharov, 1988).

Excessive control manifests itself in the desire of parents to follow every step of the child. Often it applies to emotional and physical activity of children, the immediacy in the expression of feelings, cooking lessons and free time, which in this case is significantly reduced (Zakharov, 1988). Excess control is also observed in relation to food intake and the formation of self-help skills in the first years of life children. Often control is in the nature of total, directly or indirectly implied prohibition, when-presetsa without permission to do anything or even Express their desires. Especially a lot of restrictions imposed in that case, if children do not arrange their adult temperament or character. The abundance of control is characteristic of dominant giperprodukciei, where heightened attention and care combined with abundance restrictions and prohibitions (Eidemiller, Justickis, 1999).

Excessive control often takes the form of an authoritarian. It can be identified as follows: to Do so, because I said, don’t do this… According to A. I. Zakharov, the dominance in the relationship with the children leads to unconditional acceptance by adults of the truth of any of its terms, categorical judgments, prikazna, commanding tone, to impose opinions and solutions, the desire for strict discipline and the Ogre is to limit the supply of self-reliance, the use of coercion, physical punishment. Traits of authoritarian parenting are manifested in the mistrust of children, their opportunities and also in power in relationships with children. Credo parents – I will not rest until I make him do everything you want (Zakharov, 1988). Strict parents require children many restrictions, keep them under close supervision, establish certain norms of behavior, which children are obliged to follow. Have strict parents can manifest contradictions in the system of requirements and prohibitions.

In T. N. Gugino (Zhugin, 1996), dedicated to perception children of maternal behavior, it was shown that mothers often use negative methods of control. Most common is coercion (36 %), which is aimed at limiting the child’s activity or violent switching of the child from one activity to another. Often mothers use physical force to overcome the resistance of the child. So, reproducing the stories of the pictures the behavior of mothers children noted: the mother drags by force, that leads the child to walk, ignoring his desire to play with friends. Tightly controlling the life of the child, limiting it to spontaneous activity, the mother turns the child from the subject of interaction in object manipulation. The child requires unquestioning obedience, his feelings, thoughts, desires are ignored and devalued, the child develops a dependent behaviour. Many children that I didn’t want to go home, but will want to play with the guys, but I won’t. Thus is the internal conflict between their own desires of the child and to respond to parent demands.

In the same study (Zhugin, 1996) have shown that children under a hard, authoritarian control, and evaluate their mothers as aggressive. It’s about appeared in the results of testing using projective techniques drawing parents in the form of non-existent animals. So, kids paint mothers in the form of a saber-toothed tigers, cancers, dinosaurs, gives even peace-loving animals many signs of aggression (well drawn teeth, needles, claws, claws, fur). Some pictures observed the symbolic constraint of the aggression of the parents. For example, the child puts the animals pictured in the cage.

The predominance of Russian culture authoritarian models education is a consequence of the reaction of the totalitarian pressure in communication with child (Kagan, 1992). Obedience is regarded as one of the main virtues of the child. The family feels responsible for the child’s development, but accepts it as partial: everything desirable is the result of our upbringing, all the junk – in spite of it, the result of the evil influence of the schools, streets, media. This leads to total control of the entire life of the child, they are going through as mistrust, denial, humiliation and calling the result a protest. The most obvious and striking feature of totalitarian family education – the opposition of adults to children, causing the return leg children adults (Kagan, One thousand nine hundred ninety two).

3. Parent requirements

The requirements of adult concern, first, the responsibilities of the child, i.e., what the child must do himself (self-service, learning, help around the house, etc.). Secondly, it requirements, prohibitions, establishing what the child cannot do. E. G. Eidemiller and V. Justickis (Eidemiller, Justickis, 1999) described the following bipolar system requirements-duties.

The excessiveness of requirements-duties and requirements for the child are very great, do not correspond to his possibilities, which increases the risk of mental traumatization of a child. The excessiveness of requirements-duties is the basis of the type of education, which can be defined as increased moral responsibility. The child is forced not age-related and the real possibilities of uncompromising honesty, integrity, adherence to duty, to lay on him responsibility for the lives and welfare of loved ones (Licko, 1985). Parents set for a child’s higher purpose in various areas of life, nourish hopes about the future of their child, his abilities and talents. Parents love not so much the child as his perfect image.

Lack of requirements-duties. In this case, the child has a minimal number of responsibilities within the family, and parents often complain that child difficult to bring to some things around the house.

Requirements-the prohibitions define the degree of autonomy of the child, the ability to choose behavior. There are also two extremes: excess and deficiency requirements-prohibitions. Excessive requirements-prohibitions show that the child did not, he presented a huge number of requirements that limits his freedom and independence. Insufficiency of requirements-interdictions, on the contrary, is that the child can do anything. Even if there are any prohibitions, it’s easy to violate, knowing that it no one will ask.

In its form the requirements for a child can be divided into two groups: mandatory and optative. Mandatory requirements categorical, binding form (order, order, policy, threat, teaching). Optative requirements Express the desirability of a child performing certain actions (advice, offer, please).

Excessive control and demands observed in the so-called authoritarian giperstimulyatsia. Parents demand from the child unconditional obedience and discipline. They try to impose their will and do not want to stand on the point of view of the child. For the manifestation of self-will of the child is punished. Parent is closely following the achievements of the child in all spheres of life. In this parenting style the child’s personality is formed by the disturbing type. This is mainly due to the fact that, cultivating obedience, parents impart the self-contained value. To do something wrong as parents, and, in particular, the mother, is to be punished, to be bad, which in turn leads to the deprivation of love, and because the need for love is one of the most important for a child, the frustration of this need leads to frustration and neurosis.

4. The influence of parental control on personal development of the child

Care, control and requirements of the parents as the main factors in the child's upbringing

What about the affect of parental control and demands on child development? Parental authoritarianism leads to lack of empathy, the formation of low self-esteem of the child, its focus on external requirements and standards. The scarcity of independent search and decision-making leads to the formation of dependence of the child from the adult, to the infantilization and disability of the child. Clinical practice shows that patients with the most severe psychosomatic disorders noted excessive propensity of their parents to the disciplinary requirements connected with the lack of love and harsh criticism (Lazarus, 1971).So, for example, patients with gastric ulcer often indicate that their parental family was distinguished by the quest for domination and suppression.

Baldwin (Cm.: Stolin, Sokolov, Varga, 1989) has shown how affect personality of the child democratic and controlling styles of parenting. The democratic style is defined by the following parameters: high level verbal communication between parents and children, involvement of children in discussions of family problems, including their opinions; willingness of parents to come to the aid, if need be, a belief in success self-activity of the child, limiting their own subjectivity in the vision of the child. The controlling style involves the introduction of significant restrictions on children’s behavior, clear and precise explanation to the child the meaning of the restrictions, the lack of differences between parents and children regarding disciplinary measures.

Care, control and requirements of the parents as the main factors in the child's upbringing

It turned out that in families with democratic parenting style the children had a moderate ability for leadership, aggressiveness, the desire to control others children, but hardly amenable to external control. They had a good physical development, social activity, ease of entry into contact with their peers, but they were not typical altruism, sensitivity and empathy. Children of parents with a controlling type of upbringing were obedient, suggestible, fearful, not too persistent in achieving their goals, not aggressive. When CME-Shannon style of educating children was inherent suggestibility, obedience, emotional sensitivity, non-aggressive, lack of curiosity, originality of thinking, a poor fantasy.

Baumrind (Cm.: Stolin, Sokolov, Varga, 1989) in a series of studies have attempted to isolate a set of children’s characteristics associated with the factor of parental control. Was allocated 3 groups of children:

Competent – with a stable good mood, confident, with developed self-control of behavior, ability to establish friendly relations with CBE-R-players, desire to study, not the avoidance of new situations. Avoidant – with the prevalence of sad sad mood, it’s hard establishing contacts with their peers. Immature – insecure, with poor self-control, with reactions of refusal of frustrating situations.

The author also highlighted the four parameters of parental behavior, responsible for the described patterns of children’s traits.

  1. Parental control. At high score in this parameter parents try to have a big impact on children able to insist on their demands, consistent in them. The control action parents aimed at modification in children manifestations of dependence of aggressiveness on the development of the gambling behaviour of children, and more successful learning parental standards and norms.
  2. Parent requirements. Encourage the development of children’s maturity; the parents trying to get children to develop their intellectual, emotional and communicative abilities, insist on the need for and PRA ve children for independence and autonomy.
  3. Ways of communicating with children in the course of educational influence. Parents with a high score for this indicator seek to achieve obedience by persuasion, justify their point of view and at the same time ready to discuss it with the children, listen to their reasoning. Parents with low scores do not clearly and unambiguously Express their demands and dissatisfaction or irritation, but often resort to indirect means of influence – complaints, shouting, swearing.
  4. Emotional support. Parents are able to Express sympathy, love and warm attitude, their actions and emotional attitude aimed at physical and spiritual development of children.

Complex features competent parents corresponds to the presence in the parent relationship of four dimensions – control, demands for social maturity, communication and emotional support. At the same time adequate control involves a combination of emotional acceptance with a high volume of claims and their Yas-ness, consistency and sequence of their presentation to the child.

Shoben (Shoben, 1949) found, children with problem behavior have parents who support strict discipline and require the children of obedience. Watson (Watson, 1933) investigated children who were loving, but strict parents and compared them with another group of children whose parents loved children a lot and they were allowed. He showed that giving a child more freedom is positively correlated with initiative and independence of children, their friendliness towards people, the best socialization and cooperation, a high level of spontaneity, originality and creativity. Research Radka (Radke, 1969) showed that preschoolers from families with limited-socialsim, authoritarian parenting style is less lively, more passive and inconspicuous, less popular among their peers. In addition, aggressive educational style with the use of coercion is associated with low social competence and rejection by peers. Verbal and physical punishment of the child provoke the aggressive behavior of children, what can be the reason of rejection from peers (Travillion, Snyder, 1993).

Children of authoritarian parents tend to internalize the authoritarian style of communication and to reproduce it in their own homes. In the future, such children are prone to the establishment of a large social distance with people, to the formation of a role, and not interpersonal relations (Hart, 1957).

5. Techniques of disciplining the child

The essence of parental discipline is to bring the behavior and personality of children in line with parental views and requirements.

There are three main techniques of disciplining a child:

  • a) emotional punishment;
  • b) a technique based on the assertion of force;
  • C) explaining technique.

Emotional punishment – it’s such a disciplinary form in which parents affect the child’s feelings. This is refusal to speak with the child, ridicule, deliberate deprivation of parental love (mother does not like), expression of dislike, isolation of the child, stimulation of feelings of guilt. For example, a mother may tell the child: you can’t take the sand, you’re all the time sick, I have to take sick, you’re making me sick, don’t go on the sand, I’m tired of washing. This is the most powerful way of influencing the child, as emotional punishment may be long, besides, the child in this case, there is a strong threat – fear of loss of love object.

The technique, based on the assertion of force includes physical punishment, deprivation of pleasures and material resources, verbal threats against the child. In this case mechanism control child’s behavior is fear of punishment. It is shown that discipline based on authorities, leading to delayed moral development of the child (Cass, 1988). Such parental practices may be associated with the following factors: high the level of parental stress or depression, the severity of such personal traits as irritability, low educational level of parents, divorce, parenting large numbers of children and poverty (Travillion, Snyder, 1993). Punishing the child, the parents seek short-term comfort, but may not affect the overall dynamics development of the child (Waters, 1988).

Explaining technique is a relatively soft way of discipline, which is characterized by the attempts of parents to explain to the child in the hope that he will understand why he needs to change his behavior. For example, you can explain to the child his behavior by appealing to his pride, to desire to be an adult, to explain the rationality of discipline.

The development of conscience in the child is positively correlated with how often mothers use praise and belief, and negatively with physical punishment. Inconsistency in parental disciplinary requirements (when one parent, for example, punishes, and encourages the other) gives the child the levers of manipulation that makes parental disciplinary measures are ineffective (Bandura, Walters, 2000).

It is necessary that parents understand the child’s behavior. Very often they just react to his behavior on what they see or hear, without making attempts to understand why a child behaves in a similar way. The easiest and fastest answer is to yell at your child or punish him. In order to effectively respond to unwanted behavior of the child, you need to know: 1) at what stage of development the child is, whether he is able to control their behavior as required by the parent; 2) what type of impact will most efficient for the child; 3) what actually happened that led to this child’s behavior. For example, a child may behave aggressively towards other children because he is scared. An adult needs to prevent or to stop such reactions, but at the same time he should to help the child to cope with fear. The child needs to show that the adult understands his feelings, he needs to know that people are often angry and are angry when they are upset. Knowing this, the child will work through their feelings instead of aggressive to behave towards other people.

Ellis, founder of rational-emotive therapy, believed that discipline should be viewed as skills that must be assimilated by the child, and not as a limitation. In this case, parenting will be focused on the child’s development, not its restriction and condemnation. An adult should clearly tell your child that discipline is a way to make a child more happy and successful in achieving its goals. Discipline can best be understood as a means of shaping a child’s self-control and self-discipline; it is this long-term goal needs to keep in mind an adult. Then the adult will sound approximately so: You did something wrong, and I want you to have to do better in the future, but not so: You’re worthless and deserve punishment (Waters, 1988). Physical punishment of the child he begets anger, a sense of helplessness. If an adult uses punishment as a last means of discipline, then he should do it without anger. If an adult punishes a child in anger, that he seems to be showing a minor: I, the adult, can’t control myself, but I demand self-control from you.

The choice of technique discipline must, of course, depend on the age of the child. Of a child of two years is useless to discipline using verbal means and explaining to him the reasons for his behavior. In this age a huge impact on the child have feelings shown by the parent. The child still has little protection from anxiety, so he will feel helpless if the parent is to Express anger. The use of corporal punishment, that is causing the child pain, can stop the unwanted behavior, but at the same time leads to the destruction of relationships between adult and child. Two-year-old child has a behavior problem, since he is extremely active in the development of reality and resists the desire of parents to control him. All these are natural steps in the development of the autonomy of the child, and parents need to be understanding and patient. The best way of disciplining a child of this age – minimum restrictions and such organization of the child’s environment to have the opportunity to explore different subjects. Parents also need to be able to say no firmly and calmly and away from the child those things that cannot be touched.

Child 5-6 years more able to control their behavior. At this age, discipline may include the explanation of the causes and consequences of various forms of behavior.

In teenage age, parents more than ever need to understand the behavior of the child, to see the reasons that encourage the teenager to behave in this way. A teenager is fighting for independence and does not tolerate when his limit. On the other hand, he is afraid of independence because independence means responsibility (Cass, 1988). The teenager is full of internal contradictions that parents should understand and accept.

Disciplinary action parent may be interpreted differently by the child. For example, a parent separates the two fighting children in different rooms. For one child it could be a boon, as he wanted to be alone to finish the construction. The other child is unhappy, as he had intended to go out to the friends.

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